My sweet little Tobi passed away yesterday. I don't believe most people understand just how important she was to me, or how unique she was. In fact, people who knew her well agreed that she was much less of a dog and much more of a mythical beast. To express why this loss is so hard and why she was so amazing, I have decided to write her story.
My dad and stepmother had just gone through a terrible custody battle, which was very traumatic for everyone. Divorce is something that has scarred our lives deeply. It wasn't this moment that made me feel that I needed to make a change, it was the layers upon layers of divorce that came from every corner of my family's make up. So I went away to Costa Rica for a year. I volunteered with the missionary organization JUCUM (youth with a mission). Meaning to stay for three months, I ended up staying for a year. Being in a place completely foreign to what I was used to allowed me to think through my life, upbringing, beliefs, and identity. It was my walkabout. Even though it was a good time, it was also the most lonely time of my life. Because I spoke very little Spanish, and was not accustomed to the culture, I often felt isolated.
A friend whom I had met a few months before coming to Costa Rica decided to come for a visit. But he would be what we should really call a suiter. I didn't like him in that way, and made it very clear. But it was awkward and weird just the same. One day we were downtown and we walked by a petshop. In the window, there were little puppies tumbling around and looking adorable. As we got on the bus I told him I wished I could have a dog. He smiled, got up from his seat and said, "I'll meet you back at the base. Theres something I have to do." That night he returned with a little two month old bulldog puppy sleeping in his shirt like a baby in a hammock. He handed her to me and said, "Here's your dog." I thought for sure the base director wouldn't let me keep her. But he was an animal lover. He just smiled and said nothing. I kept the puppy ... but not the boy.
So she was my baby and my little terror from that day forward. In the morning we would go for walks before everyone else was up. Through the brightly colored houses with bars on the windows, and up the windy and rocky roads we would walk, until we got to a little grassy spot. There I would lay down, look up at the clouds and pray. Tobi would rest her little puppy jowls on my cheek and I would tickle her ear with a blade of grass.
For nine months we did this, and over time she became my little protector as well as companion. Being a tall, blonde, young woman in Costa Rica made me a magnet for male attention. As Tobi grew older, she looked outward toward the path while I lay in the grass, to see if anyone was coming. You may know Bulldogs are known to noisy breathers, and Tobi was no exception. As I lay there, she would hold her breath for about three seconds and listen for people approaching. Then.....gasp for another breath and hold it again. When men did approach, she sounded the alarm. Even though she was sweet natured, she could also be frightening to a stranger. Not only did she protect me, she also discouraged unwanted social interaction. It was wonderful.
When it was time to go back to the U.S. I wasn't sure what to do with Tobi. A nice family had recently come to the base and they seemed to really get along with her. I asked them if they would take her when I went back. I didn't want to leave her and just the thought killed me. It wasn't until my dad said, "well you can't leave your little dog behind" that I even considered a dog traveling by plane. It was such a relief to think that she could chome with me.
Before I left Costa Rica, I had a real meltdown. As I cleared out my room and packed my bag, I cried and cried. My good friend Cinthia's mother heard me. She came in and comforted me. I love Cinthia's family. They were always so good to me and accepted me as their own. They were kind to each other, loving and open. They also loved Tobi and cared for her when I went on trips to panama or nicaragua to renew my visa. I told Yami, (Cinthia's mom) that all I wanted was a family of my own, a loving little family like her's. She prayed for me and I hugged Tobi and cried.
On the day of my flight, the ticket agent told me that it was too hot for my short nosed dog to fly and I had to wait until Autumn to get her on a plane. My heart hurt so bad to leave her. But there was nothing I could do. The base director's had dogs and they agreed to take her for a while. I flew into LAX and stayed with my aunt for two weeks, just waiting for the my little dog. Every day I called two different airlines and a pet courier, trying to get her to me. Finally the day came. She was to arrive at the cargo area at 10:00pm. When I got there, no one knew anything about a dog. They suggested I waited until midnight when another truck would be unloaded. So I sat in the car for two hours, praying that Tobi would be in the truck. I desperately needed my little dog. But she was not on the truck. I ran around peeking in every warehouse, asking the people working there if they saw a little bulldog. Finally I came to a building where I heard a group excited voices and my lovely little Tobi, hysterically barking like an alien getting his toes stepped on (thats just how bulldogs sound). I took her out of the crate and we ran, skipped and rolled around on the black top kissing and hugging eachother. Never mind that she was covered in her own shit because she had been sitting in her kennel so long. I was just so happy to see her. And she was so happy to see me. As I cleared Tobi through customs, a large, stern, and lovely black man in a military uniform stamped her little doggy passport and said, "welcome home ma'am." It was such a strange thing to say. But I realized it was true, wherever Tobi was, I was home.
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