Here are some things I have learned through other people's breakups and divorces 1. Don't have unrealistic expectations for the person you marry, let them surprise you. It is not their job to fulfill you, give you babies, or make you happy. 2. Show your kids how much you love them by putting your spouse first. 3.Don't marry someone just so you can sleep with them. 4.Don't expect your spouse to be able to read your mind. 5. Share how you feel several times a day, even when you don't want to. Encourage them to do the same. 6. Don't try to live up to the cultural expectations of marriage. 7. Always be willing to try. 8. Believe that people can and will change.

I would say about eight years ago I had a dream. I was sitting on a beach in my swim suit, looking out into the ocean. Everything was all grey and purple, the way it gets in Maui. There were either a few islands, or I was nestled into a large bay that wrapped around and made the illusion of islands across the channel. Classical music was playing in the background, yet it wasn't actually background music. It was like the wind, perfectly natural and soothing. As I sat there, a warm northerly breeze kissed my face and pushed back my hair. I was all golden and happy. Out in the Channel, Humpback whales who's bodies' were painted with Maori designs were leaping and dancing to the music. As a cymbal crashed they lunged out of the water and slapped their backs down in unison. There were big and small whales, dancing and breeching to the music. It was totally lovely. And there I was, warm and peaceful, looking out at this amazing sight. My hands and fingers were slowly digging themselves into the sand like roots spreading at the bottom of a tree. The whales were on a journey and traveled quickly while putting on this epic show. I knew when I woke up that they were from New Zealand and one day I would go there. But I didn't realize until later, that New Zealand would become my home and this is where my roots would spread.